What Love Island tells us about the changing face of dating

On the fourth series of Love Island UK in 2018, Megan Barton-Hanson pulled fellow Islander, Wes Nelson, for a chat.

Just moments earlier, she had ended her relationship with Eyal Booker after admitting the pair had little more than physical chemistry. Now, sitting opposite Wes, who had been coupled up with Laura Anderson since the start of the competition, she decided not to wait for him to make the first move.

“I think it’s pretty obvious that I do really fancy you,” she told him. “And I just felt like, if I didn’t say something, I’d regret it massively.”

By the end of the episode, viewers had a new nickname for her: “Muggy Megan”. Critics accused her of moving too quickly between relationships and breaking “girl code”. Others admired her honesty.

At the time, Barton-Hanson argued that she had been treated differently to her male counterparts. “People definitely do give girls a harder time than men… It’s sexist.”

But eight years later, scenes like Barton-Hanson’s no longer feel quite so out of the ordinary. Until this series, the opening coupling had always seen the men choose first. This year, the shows rules were changed, with the women making the first choice.

Alicia Denby, a sociologist at Manchester Metropolitan University, argues the show’s tweak is reflective of a broader societal change where “women may now be more likely to approach someone first”.

At its peak, around five million people tuned in to Love Island every night. Live audiences are not what they were, but it remains ITV’s biggest programme among 16 to 34-year-olds.

For Prof Kitty Nichols, who researches relationships and popular culture at the University of Sheffield, Love Island has become “an important cultural vehicle” allowing us to “reflect on the dating scene and culture at the moment”.

Former PE teacher Kai Fagan met his now wife, Sanam Harrinanan, when he won the 2023 series, an experience he says transformed his life.

“My life ever since then has been a fairytale. The whole show is about love. That’s the point of it. You’re put in a situation to fall in love.”

For Fagan, the show delivered exactly what it promised: love. Meanwhile, for thousands watching at home, it has become a window into how modern relationships are formed, tested and understood.

As another series of Love Island approaches its end, what do Love Island’s changing dynamics tell us about dating culture beyond the villa? And does women making the first move really represent genuine progress towards equality?

For much of the 20th Century, heterosexual dating followed a script that would have felt familiar to the characters in Pride and Prejudice. Men were largely expected to make the first move. They asked women out, paid for dates and, in many cases, took the lead in deciding when the relationship moved forward.

By the 1960s, the women’s liberation movement began challenging many of those norms. As Aretha Franklin’s Respect became an anthem for a generation demanding greater equality, the widespread availability of contraception changed the ideas about sex. Then with the rise of online dating in the 2000s, millions of people began meeting through websites and, later, dating apps.

But whether these changes have really done anything to shift gender expectations is unclear.

As recently as 2021, sociologist Ellen Lamont reviewed more than 100 studies on heterosexual dating and found traditional dating scripts still remained, with men still expected to make the first move.

For cultural commentator Coco, who goes by her first name and has amassed more than 100,000 followers on TikTok analysing Love Island, this reflects an important distinction.

She argues women aren’t replacing men as the pursuers, they simply have greater freedom to act on what they want.

“Women haven’t flipped the roles,” she says. “Women have just been allowed to exist.” She believes women now have “more choice, freedom and opportunity than we’ve ever had in history”.

But even if women are becoming more comfortable making the first move, Denby argues that this does not mean gendered power relations have disappeared.

She argues that women on Love Island are often praised for their patience and loyalty while male contestants explore connections with other contestants. But she says when women take a more active role in pursuing relationships, they are judged differently.

“It’s almost as if women are praised for being submissive in the villa, because when they do take on more of an active or expressive role, they are criticised for it.”

On this year’s Love Island, in a move that may have reflected the growing trend of women on the show taking the lead, Elicia Bailey took both Aidan Murphy and Finley Maddock to the Hideaway, the villa’s private romantic room.

But she faced criticism for it and Denby points to what she sees as a sexual double standard around women’s sexuality. Another female contestant on this year’s show, Priya Jaswal, was labelled a “sexual person” by a male contestant and accused of “pouncing” on Murphy, comments that Denby argues, suggest “women are judged for taking an active role” in dating.

Nichols sees similar patterns.

She believes Love Island has what she describes as “pockets of diversity” and “little moments of change”, where contestants challenge conventional gender roles.

Yet she argues those moments are often temporary, with Islanders reverting “back to the expected gender roles”.

According to Nichols, double standards persist. “If a woman behaves in the same way that a man behaves, they get reprimanded.”

That reaction can be seen in the programme’s history.

For example, Ekin-Su Cülcüloğlu’s pursuit of Jay Younger divided viewers during the 2022 series. Some accused her of betraying Davide Sanclimenti, who she later won the show with, while others praised her confidence.

For Nichols, those responses reveal something about British attitudes to dating.

“I think audience members receive more positively men diverging from their expected roles,” she says.

She said it may be because viewers “don’t anticipate” behavior like that, But adds that, “sometimes women doing so is sort of seen less positively.”

For Tareq Ferguson, a long-time Love Island viewer and TikTok commentator with more than 50,000 followers, one of the biggest changes in recent series has been watching male contestants become more passive.

“The men want to be passenger princesses,” he says. “They want to sit back, kick up their feet, while the women do the grafting and do the work.”

On this year’s show, Lorenzo Alessi was reluctant to make Julia Majchrzak a morning coffee, something many contestants see as an act of care for the person they’re coupled up with. It become a flashpoint on the show and sparked debate among viewers.

For Ferguson, moments like those reflect a wider shift in modern dating, with some men appearing increasingly hesitant to take the lead.

But some research suggest that men’s reluctance may stem less from disinterest and more from uncertainty about how to navigate dating today.

In a recent Cosmopolitan survey, men said online dating had made them feel judged on their appearance. While others said repeated rejection and lack of matches had damaged their confidence.

Research like this echoes what Coco believes is happening both inside and outside the villa.

“Society has rightly expanded what’s possible for women,” she says. “But we haven’t spent the same amount of time helping young men understand what their role looks like in this landscape. The cultural conversation hasn’t kept pace with the social change.”

She also believes online conversations have contributed to that uncertainty.

“I think the manosphere content we’re seeing has done something to women,” she says. “It’s put their guard up.”

But she is keen to stress that does not mean there are “no good men out there”.

Instead, she believes men seem to be taking a more cautious approach to dating as expectations around relationships continue to change. “They don’t want to be perceived as a creep. They don’t want to be seen as trying too hard in front of their peers. They want to come across as relaxed and cool.”

So does Love Island simply mirror the UK’s evolving dating culture or actively shape it?

For Prof Nichols, the two are closely connected. She believes the programme doesn’t simply entertain audiences. Watched by millions each summer and discussed constantly across social media, it has become part of the conversation around modern relationships.

“I think for young people who are still the biggest viewers of Love Island, it probably creates these norms for them in terms of how they would expect to be treated or how dating functions.”

Fagan believes some younger viewers take lessons from what they see on screen.

“Younger people probably get dating tips from a show like Love Island,” he says.

But he adds: “In real life, you have a bit more control of how you pursue and what happens and the obstructions.

“On Love Island, you could be with someone for three weeks and then suddenly you’re put into a challenge where your relationship is made vulnerable just for the entertainment of the public.

“If that’s happening on the outside, you don’t necessarily know about it. On the show, you have to confront it head on.”

Yet despite those differences, some viewers still believe Love Island influences how people think about dating.

Ferguson believes many young people watch the programme not just as entertainment but as a reflection of what dating now looks like.

“People will look at this, especially the younger audiences, and think, ‘if this is how people are being treated, then obviously I can expect this on the outside.'”

One study by researchers at Liverpool John Moores University examining Love Island and relationship education, found some young people do look to reality dating programmes for ideas about romance and relationship behaviour. But it also found most viewers described the programme as entertainment and were aware that what they watched did not necessarily reflect real life.

For Nichols, the influence is undeniable.

“It plays into features of the current dating culture, where we see this propensity towards disposability and a lack of exclusivity,” she says.

“It’s like a chicken and an egg. I think it normalises that massively.”

Every generation has tended to challenge the dating expectations that came before it. From the move away from formal courtship to the arrival of dating apps and now a generation asking more questions about who should make the first move.

But while analysts argue that Love Island is far from a perfect mirror of society, it nonetheless operates as a cultural stage where shifting gender norms and emerging challenges are publicly rehearsed.

For Denby, that is precisely what makes the show significant.

“Recouplings, comparisons between potential partners and the idea that there is always someone better around the corner can mirror some of the less positive aspects of app-based dating culture”, she says.

But she is equally clear that viewers are not watching the programme without question.

“I don’t think viewers are simply passive consumers. Many people watch Love Island critically and debate issues like sexism, classism and racism, so the programme both reflects and shapes contemporary dating culture.”

Top image credit: Getty Images

BBC InDepth is the home on the website and app for the best analysis, with fresh perspectives that challenge assumptions and deep reporting on the biggest issues of the day. Emma Barnett and John Simpson bring their pick of the most thought-provoking deep reads and analysis, every Saturday. Sign up for the newsletter here