‘You’re an adulterer!’ – How Kim Woodburn became a one-liner legend
Kim Woodburn, who has died at the age of 83, found fame relatively late in life alongside co-star Aggie McKenzie in Channel 4 show How Clean is Your House.
But when the show ended in 2009 following a six-year run, it was just the start for the acerbic star, who went on to create some of television’s most memorable moments with her no-holds barred opinions.
Love her or hate her, Woodburn called a spade a spade in a celebrity world where being two-faced is arguably a survival technique.
It earned her a new following on social media and had her in demand for custom videos and appearances at Pride events.
Her status as a “hun” – a British subculture involving the “stanning” of camp female pop and reality TV stars – saw her become the subject of several gifs and memes.
Here are some of the Clean Queen’s best bits.
Celebrity Big Brother fireworks
Probably Woodburn’s best-known outburst was her “You’re an adulterer!” soap queen-style moment from Celebrity Big Brother, with the ensuing row resulting in the star being temporarily removed from the house.
Having taken aim at former footballer Jamie O’Hara, Woodburn also fell out with Nicola McClean, calling her “Miss Insecure” and “vile” and a “horrible, horrible girl”.
“You’re not worth saying anything to,” she informed her.
“Really?” asked McLean.
“Truly,” Woodburn replied succinctly. McClean, a former glamour model, later said Woodburn shouldn’t have been allowed to speak to her that way.
Other CBB housemates who Woodburn fell out with included Loose Woman host Coleen Nolan, who went on to win the 2017 show. The row later spilled over on to an episode of Loose Women.
Hair-raising drama
Bad hair days. We’ve all been there.
But when you’re in the jungle, that humidity takes it all to another level.
During her time on I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! in 2009, Woodburn gained a lot of attention after she became outraged over her hair products being confiscated.
“My hair plays a big part in my career,” she explained. “I earn money with this hairstyle, it’s my trademark.”
Speaking in the hut, Woodburn says: “I have very fine hair and my hair is breaking.” Later speaking to campmates, she added: “I just simply won’t have it, I’m sorry, I won’t have it.
“I’m not going to ruin my hair which I’m known for and has made me a jolly good living. It humiliates me as a female.”
A tad dramatic perhaps but to be fair, Woodburn’s plaited, platinum bun was iconic.
This Morning interview gets a tad awkward
Woodburn went on to discuss her time in the Celebrity Big Brother show on This Morning shortly after her stint in the house.
She said her fellow housemates lived “in stink and filth”.
“Don’t be cheeky, don’t be naughty,” she then quipped, when former presenter Philip Schofield asked her what she was paid to go on the show.
“I have not gone one second in my life for bull,” she added.
“You are giving me the impression… you don’t know what you’re talking about, Phil.”
Schofield said sarcastically: “What a delight to have had you here,” to which Woodburn snapped back: “You big phoney.”
Viewers loved it – as did the crew, who giggled in the background.
Come Dine With Me – or drink with me?
Woodburn also appeared on Channel 4 show Come Dine With Me, where contestants have their co-stars around to their house for a home-cooked three-course meal.
She wasn’t the first person to get a bit squiffy on the show, memorably struggling to pronounce “mascarpone” at Claire Sweeney’s dinner party.
In the taxi on the way home, Kim gave viewers her boozy verdict: “The food, okay, the vodka, lovely.”
Comic Tom O’Connor looked slightly shell-shocked as he was driven home.
“I’d never met her before but I tell you what, I’ll never forget her.”
Endless one-liners
Woodburn had the rare ability to be both outrageous and oddly profound – like a foul-mouthed oracle in marigolds.
“I want genuine people in my life, not [idiots],” she said once, using a slightly stronger word than that – a mission statement Woodburn lived by.
She wasn’t afraid to invoke bedroom activity on occasion. In one moment of affectionate overshare, she said: “My husband was a goer, y’know… ooh, he was a goer that man!”
Other standout one-liners from the Kim-tionary include, “Every wrinkle tells a dirty story”. She also told one poor CBB housemate who was getting on her nerves: “You’d make a great town crier!”
Woodburn told one member of Jedward: “You’d eat a scabby-[bottomed] rat if the mood took you.” Asked to clarify what that was, she clarified helpfully: “A rat with scabs on its [backside].”
She did mind her manners, in her own way, asking her fellow housemates once: “What the [expletive] hell – excuse me – has happened here?”
Similarly, after one contestant told her “don’t start,” she said in the diary room: “I didn’t start it, but I’ll bloody finish it – excuse me saying bloody.”
And in one pensive moment, she reflected wistfully: “I may have another 10 years on this earth if I’m lucky. Do you think I’m honestly going to spend that time putting up with [expletive] bags?”
Additional reporting by Chris Gibson and Steven McIntosh.
